Episode 1/Chapter 8: What, If Our Dreams Come True!

Chapter 8

One day I was in the cave. It was a clear day and the sun was scorching outside. The wind was still. I was perspiring inside the cave. I sat on the stone which had now become my usual throne. The sadhu didn’t appear to be visiting this place anymore and I hadn’t met him during my last several visits. I closed my eyes and sat still for some time. All of a sudden a gentle breeze swept the cave. The heat inside subsided. It even became cold after some time. I slowly went into a trance.

I was suddenly jolted by the sounds of thunder. The sound turned louder and louder every moment. It also started raining outside. The sound of the rain coupled with thunder was music to my ears. I thought I opened my eyes and saw the sadhu standing before me. 

 “Where did you go?” I asked him casually, as though we were friends from our childhood.

“I was travelling along the river Tamirabarani. I was making some preparations for you.”

“What were you doing? What preparations do I need?”

“You don’t really know you are a very, very special person on earth. Men and women come and go. But you are here for a very special purpose.”

“What is my purpose?”

“Over centuries, people in this country fought for liberation from one or other foreign ruler. Gandhi, a man with great conviction and vision, led the last Independence Movement. They killed him because people couldn’t bear with Liberty and Truth. Gandhi stood for truth, inner integrity, inner peace and honesty. Gandhi was fearless. People didn’t need him, once the nation attained political freedom from the British rulers. 

But, what people hadn’t realized is that their political freedom would be transient. It won’t be permanent. Soon, they would all become slaves – slaves of a different kind. They would all become slaves to their desire for power, money, greed, vanity and ego.

Your condition is different. You are fighting for the liberation of your mind. A true liberation! Mind interferes in every moment of one’s life. When someone is ruled from the heart there is no problem. But when the mind rules someone, he can become a kind of dictator, wanting everything for himself.

Come on! Continue your fight! Don’t give up!”

He went on to give me a sermon on liberation – liberation from life, from one’s body, from one’s mind, from one’s social conditioning, from one’s society, from one’s education, from one’s work, and from one’s self. When he finished the sermon, he went out and disappeared. But this time, I didn’t care to follow him to find out where he went.

*****

Nearly seven years passed by.

It was the Tamil month of Margazhi, a month traditionally reserved for complete devotion to The Lord. In South, people, in groups, sing in praise of the Lord and chant His various names day and night. People in places like Courtallam, Shencottai and Tenkasi were very traditional and ritualistic. The temples opened very early in the morning and devotees lined up there for an early morning darshan of The Lord. In agraharams, they maintained bhajan mandaps (halls meant for devotional singing). Men in groups walked through the streets before sunrise, bare-chested, brazing the early morning mist and cold, singing bhajans, playing sruti box, harmonium, jings, dolak and ganjira. Small girls walked through the streets in groups in the early morning, reciting and singing sacred verses from Tiruppavai in praise of Lord Krishna and Thiruvembavai in praise of Lord Siva - the two ancient Tamil scriptures. On certain days, the singing and chanting went on throughout the night – they called it akhanda nama. On a few other days, the bhajan singers went for biksha – a tradition of seeking alms, dressed in traditional bhagavatha attire. On select occasions, children accompanied the bhajan singers dancing around. On some days, the bhajan singers performed deepa pradhashina (dancing around a lighted lamp). People performed symbolic marriage for the devoted Radha with Lord Krishna, in a day-long ceremony of rituals, singing and dancing – a tradition recognizing an individual’s longing to be one with the Lord - this Jeevatma, the human soul longing for Paramatma, the Universal soul. Distribution of delicious puliyodarai, pongal, sundal, etc was always the climax on these occasions; it was a kind of community lunch and dinner.

Margazhi is also the month for two very important festivals. One named Vaikunta Ekadashi (the eleventh day after the New Moon day) is meant for moksha – liberation. On this day people went to Vishnu temples for prayers and this is the only day in a year when the northern gates to the Vishnu temples were opened; north remains the gateway for kailash (Himalayan Peak) and moksha. The other festival is Arudhra Darshan or Thiruvaadhirai when Lord Siva performs His Cosmic Dance. On both the days, the temples are crowded with people.

It was Arudhra Darshan day, when I happened to be in Chithra Sabhai. The temple wore a festive look. The temple and its tank looked completely cleaned and repainted. The water in the temple tank looked colorful with the lotus flowers and its leaves sprouting everywhere. The temple priests were busy readying the Nataraja Idol in a specially prepared palanquin, decorated with colorful flowers and leaves, for the dance. Devotees were moving in and out of the temple restlessly and awaiting the great dance performance by Siva. The palanquin bearers move back and forth – alternating between slow and fast movements, rocking and resting to the music coming from nadhaswaram, thavil and drums - inside a large hall, carrying the palanquin on their shoulders, Lord Nataraja idol firmly seated on the palanquin and thus they create an ambience of dancing, sending devotees into an ecstatic trance.

The ‘Cosmic Dance’ had just begun when I thought someone was calling me out in the din and noise. Then someone was holding my hand and pulling me away. I tried to resist. But then when I turned around to see who it was, I was stunned.

The sadhu was holding my hands firmly without saying a word and signaled to me to come with him. He managed to extricate me out of the crowd. He was virtually dragging me along. We went on the main road, then into the forest and in the next few moments, we were at the entrance to the cave. Not a word passed between us until then.

Inside the cave, he asked me to kneel before him, while he himself sat on the stone slab at the centre. He asked me to close my eyes and then touched the space between my two eyebrows with his right thumb. I went into trance instantly. And then he spoke to me. I heard him very clearly.

“I have already told you, I was away to a few places to prepare things for you. Your time here is over now. You have a number of very significant tasks to carry out in other places. You were kept in a different plane in the last few years for a purpose. You will now return back to normalcy and lead a normal life. You have to leave now. But remember your contract with me. You have completed only the first leg of your journey in meeting with me. During this initial phase, I prepared you for the next six stages of your life. From now on, you will have no fear or anxiety. No one can harm or hurt you. Six more places are waiting for you. In each of these six places, you will spend approximately seven years and you would be accomplishing something very significant in every place. You are born to do great things in life. But it won’t be without struggle. It is going to be tough and arduous. But don’t worry. Regardless of what happens, I am going to be there with you all the time. Know that!

Now, I am going to show you a very extraordinary experience. Never talk about it to anyone, anywhere.”

Words and languages are inadequate to describe the experience of my next few moments. I shall try as best as I can, to narrate what happened to me, without a word of exaggeration.  ………………………………….

*****

“We have all seen the metamorphosis of ice melting to become water and water boiling to become steam. Once water vaporizes as steam, it merges with the atmosphere and we can’t see it anymore. This is the property of water and many liquids. Can that happen to other objects too?

Yes, it happened to me!

I saw my whole body melting into a sticky liquid, then vaporizing and disappearing into the thin air. I was a dot now – no volume or mass to talk about. The dot travelled in space and time.

When the time travel completed, I fell on the banks of a river. The river was flooded and was breaching the banks. There was a small group of young people sitting before another who appeared to be their leader. The leader appeared still younger. Everyone was clean shaven, had tonsured their head, wrapped themselves with saffron cloth and looked like monks. Yes, they were all young monks and the leader was their ‘Guru’. They all looked to him reverently and addressed him as Shankara Prabhu. Soon this dot that I had turned into, transmuted into a body and sat in the group as one of the monks.

Shankara was speaking to the fellow monks. The language was Sanskrit. The speech was eloquent, candid, forceful, and convinced everyone there. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

“Everything is One in this creation. Duality is our mental makeup – ‘maya’. There is no duality here. We must carry this message everywhere we go,” concluded Shankara.

The crowd dispersed. Everyone walked back to a few small huts scattered along the banks of the river.

I was standing there before Shankara. I prostrated before him. ‘Prabhu! You were elegant once again today. I marvel at your eloquence and the force of conviction in your speech. Please bless me.’

Shankara silently smiled, placed his hands on my head and walked away to his place.

I stood dumbfounded, motionless envying his stature as our leader. Momentarily I fell from a state of reverence into envy and jealousy. I knew I was a very capable disciple for Shankara. I had assisted him during several ‘Vedanta’ debates, substituted him in many debate forums, on his instructions and I had equally forcefully argued for Oneness in the whole scheme of things. I had also won debates, conquered very powerful orators and forced them to surrender to Shankara’s philosophy. People often looked to me as the next in command. But I knew I was never a match for Shankara. People considered him alone as their leader – their guru. I was burning with comparison and jealousy. I desired to be the Supremo - the number one. I suspected that Shankara had already guessed my ambitions – he was an omniscient master.

Here I was – a skilled orator, an intelligent, astute, and learned monk - sharp in mind and tongue. But I was only the second and can never hope to be the first in the order. With Shankara’s charisma, everyone else around him became insignificant, like the stars before the Sun.

I struggled between my reverence to Shankara and jealousy about his stature. They both grew in me simultaneously. In his presence, all my negative feelings vanished into the thin air like the mist before the early morning Sun and I was the personification of benevolence. I submitted voluntarily, completely to his mighty presence. When he was away, all my benevolence was overpowered by feelings of jealousy and I became a monster.

Did Shankara know my evil mind? He must have! I guessed for sure. He was all knowledge. If he had known, at the least, he never exhibited. He radiated kindness and compassion all the time, even to me. But he also tested my capabilities, by assigning me to more and more challenging tasks and every time, I came out victorious. He seemed extremely satisfied. The more compassionate he was towards me, the more jealous I felt inside. At times, I felt my own emptiness, but for him. That did not deter me from my wanting to be number one.

I was becoming more and more passionate about my dreams to be the leader of this group. My mind schemed and one day, I gave it a final shape. I waited for the right opportunity.

The opportunity came soon. It was a New Moon day and Shankara was to deliver a ‘pravachan’ to a large group of villagers on the other side of the river. It was early evening and it rained heavily. The usual boatman didn’t turn up and there was no message from him. Shankara never made anyone wait for him, nor he waited for anyone. He was rearing to go. On occasions, I had rowed boats for him and Shankara commanded me to row for him this time again. I jumped at the rare opportunity. My scheming mind suddenly became very alert. I was more than usually enthusiastic. My imagination was running riot. I tried to hurry Shankara, lest he changed his mind. A few other monks offered to accompany us, but luckily for me, the small boat could take only two.

I got into the boat and signaled that I was ready to row. Surrounded by other monks, Shankara elegantly walked to the banks of the river and I was already seeing the great aura around him. My heart began to pound faster. Shankara was all in his graceful smiles and looked to be challenging me. ‘What harm can you do to me?’

He came down the few small steps that led to the water to where I was waiting in the boat. The heavy downpour too had suddenly abated and the sky was getting clearer.

‘Come on, let us go! Hurry up, otherwise we could be late,’ Shankara ordered me.

I let loose the moor and the boat began its free float along the current. Soon, we got into the swift current of the river. Fortunately for us, we were to sail with the current to the other side of the river and my labor was limited to maintaining our course and avoiding twirls. In many places, the river was very deep. Shankara was in deep contemplation, as he used to be on several occasion, oblivious of the surroundings.

I knew that Shankara was not an able swimmer. The water current was quite strong and rough. Visibility was poor. I was just ready for action and was about to lift the oar to complete what I had schemed in my mind.

A sudden powerful lightning blinded me for a moment, followed by a roaring thunder that deafened me and that was it. I was shell-shocked to clearly know what happened immediately after.

The boat turned three hundred and sixty degrees and capsized. I was thrown into the river and carried away by the water current. I vaguely remembered trying to catch hold of the boat which was moving away from me. I was being pulled into a few water twirls and felt completely powerless. I was normally an able swimmer, but that day, I lost all my strength and started drowning. Water entered my lungs and I was losing my ability to breathe. I tried to shout out, but words didn’t come out. Next thing I remembered was, I was dying. No one could prevent that happening. I was gone forever. There was no chance of my becoming number one in the monk order. Would I ever get a chance again?

But it appeared I was biding time with destiny. When I opened my eyes, - I didn’t know for how long I was gone – Shankara was holding my hand and I was feeling the energy returning back to me. I was lying on the muddy banks of the river. Shankara didn’t say anything, but I could see compassion in his eyes. He continued to radiate comfort to me. I was overwhelmed with guilt. Before Shankara said anything, I opened my both arms and begged, “Oh, Prabho! Please forgive me!’

I might have been saved from drowning in the river, but even Shankara wouldn’t be able to save me from drowning in my guilt, I believed. “To what level had I fallen, my God?”

I felt a sudden shooting pain in my chest and I couldn’t breathe anymore. Once again I tried to plead guilty and ask forgiveness from Shankara, but words failed to come out. This time, I saw my life slowly extricating itself from me and a silence falling on me. I do not really know whether I heard Shankara speaking to me thus:

“No, it wasn’t your fault, after all. Carry no guilt. I knew you were born to do great things, but it appears you became impatient. Do not worry, time will pass by quickly. We will again be together after two spells of nearly seven hundred years each and our association then would be for a very long period. You will come back again, to be number one. You will commit yourself to a number of stupendous, noble tasks that millions of people will remember you for and I will be with you in all that you will be doing. Your name will be inscribed in history for your individual commitment and dedication. Now, I cannot hold you for long. May that Divine be with you!”

I was gone, but the words were ringing in my years as I rose higher and higher only to disappear.

*****

I returned to my present plane and everything was very hazy to me. For a few moments, I couldn’t guess where I was. An authoritative voice brought me back to the ground.

“Now, keeping your eyes closed, stand up, turn back, then open your eyes, and walk ahead looking straight. Never turn back to find out who I am!  That is unimportant to you. But be assured, I would be your shadow all the way. Now, you may go!”

Whatever one might feel – one may believe it or not – about my experiences during these seven years - this was exactly how it happened. Even I had no clue and not for once, did I try to understand. I knew it was futile to find meaning for every experience.

‘An enlightened person is one who understands that there is nothing to be understood in this creation!’

But I knew for sure something very curious, interesting and exciting was lying ahead.

I walked away confidently. I felt normal. For the first time in several years, I felt very hungry, only to know that I had nothing with me to barter for some food. I searched for my one rupee coin that had disappeared mysteriously from me.

The talisman given by the Catholic Father years ago when I left the hospital in my village was safely dangling from my arm.

*****

Episode 1/Chapter 7: What, if Our Dreams Come True!

Chapter 7

When I woke up, I was lying in the inner ‘prakara’ (corridor) of Kutralanathar temple. But for some feeble light coming from a few oil lamps, the place was dark. It seemed to be night and the temple was closed. I was alone. Lord Siva seemed to be my only companion. I was scared to death. I gathered some strength and ran to the exit door, but it was closed. I circled around the corridors, but there was no other exit. Crying and shouting aloud for help, I banged the main exit door hoping someone outside would hear me and arrange to open them for me. I ran back inside, saw the temple bell, pulled the rope and rang the bell several times hoping it could be heard outside. The ringing of the bell echoed from all directions. I ran back to the entrance and banged the door again. Nothing happened.

‘Is the temple sound proof?’

I felt checkmated. I had no escape. I had no choices. I was trapped.

There was only one route for my escape.

Surrender. Surrender to Lord Siva who had risen as Kutralanadhar here in this temple.

That was what I did. I ran back to Lord Siva. Strangely, the doors to the sanctum Sanctorum were open. How could it be? This never happened in the temples during the nights. How can the poojari be so careless? I stepped inside the sanctum Sanctorum, fell flat before Lord Siva and cried and cried like never before.

‘What is happening to me? Please help me.’ I asked Lord Siva.

“I won’t get up until I find an answer.”

The stone idol of Lord Shiva gave me no response. I must have been lying down there crying for long in frustration. Out of exhaustion I must have fallen into deep sleep.

The next morning, when the temple was opened, pandemonium broke out. I was surrounded by the security, the police, the administrative officers and a big crowd of curious onlookers. I was interrogated, intimidated, warned, and nearly assaulted. They found no clue as to how I got into the temple during the night. In the end, they couldn’t frame me with anything. Many believed I could be innocent. They didn’t want to trust anything that I told them, though several onlookers were seen gossiping and debating punishing me. They must have come to the conclusion that I was a fit case to be sent to some mental asylum for treatment. I was finally let out in the evening with a stern warning. It still remained a mystery how I got into the temple.

I was hungry and dying.

Once I was free and outside, I forgot my hunger and the painful experience. I was again drawn to the same spot inside the cave up the hills where I found the sadhu sitting in deep meditation and radiating. I went back to the hills, but now, I couldn’t locate the place immediately. But with perseverance and patience, I recalled every step I took the previous night – in fact, it was not the previous night, but a few nights before; it was hard to explain what – I found the place at last before it became very dark.

I went through the same maneuvering to get into the first cave – knelt down, crawled, occasionally sat down, twisted my body and managed to reach the entrance to the second cave.  I banged my head on the rocks a few times, my knees were bleeding, and I was breathless with exhaustion.

‘Will I be able to get back to Courtallam alive?’

The opening to the second cave appeared more manageable this time, though I had to repeat the same process once again in darkness.

Now I was well inside the second cave. The lamp was still alive with shimmering light. 

How come?              

Alas! The sadhu wasn’t there in the cave. The shadows inside the cave were still terrifying, but I wasn’t so much scared this time.

‘Let what is to happen to me happen to me!’

Out of some bizarre curiosity, I approached the stone where I had earlier seen the sadhu meditating. I sat over it, crossing my legs and closed my eyes. In that weird setting, with eyes closed, I noticed for the first time that I was breathing.

‘How many times I have ever witnessed my own breathing?’

I also realized for the first time that my breathing was erratic. When I focused on my erratic breathing, it tended to become more normal. The more I focused on my breathing, the more relaxed I felt – first in my body and then in my mind. Some inexplicable feeling of relaxation slowly spread from my head, passing through my face, my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my back flowing down to my knees, ankle, and feet and then flowed out through my toes. As I relaxed more, I noticed the same relaxation flowing backward from my toes to my head. This happened several times – the downward and upward movement of the feeling of relaxation - and then I seemed to be losing myself. At times, I felt as though I was very heavy and other times, I felt as though I was very light floating away. After some time, I felt some energy passing through me – head to toes and toes to head. As time passed, more energy flowed into me and soon, I was rocked by very high energy – as though a million volts electric current was passing through me. I rocked, jumped and flew high up in the air and very soon I lost all my consciousness.

When I woke up, I was in the Kutralanadhar temple again. ‘How did I come here?’ ‘Who brought me here?’ ‘Am I dreaming?’ ‘How many days have passed by?’ Nothing was clear to me. I didn’t remember anything.

It was day time, no one seemed to have noticed my presence inside the temple, and so no one was bothered about me.

I was thoroughly confused about how I was brought inside the temple. That remained a mystery even today after several decades. I tried to find an answer and but I always hit a wall.

I felt lured by the same location and the stone in the cave on the hills repeatedly. I went back again and again and followed the same routine. The experiences too repeated. When I regained consciousness every time, I found myself inside the Kutralanadhar temple.

‘Was HE bringing me here every time I lost myself?’ The mystery continued.

I was also getting addicted to these experiences and I sought them repeatedly.

The experience continued into the next several weeks. I lost all track of days or nights or time. I hardly felt hungry and I ate virtually nothing. I lost any desire to eat. I lived, drinking water and breathing air. But I felt stronger and stronger with each passing day and I seemed to be ‘possessed’ by some indomitable energy.

‘Am I a possessed person?’

I never dared to share my experiences with anyone. Like an addict, I longed to have the same experience again and again. The same hill, the same cave, the same stone and the same pitch darkness. The high energy seemed to shatter me to thousands of pieces, rock me, and toss me up in the air every time, while ultimately, I always lost consciousness and then I found myself in the temple when I woke up.

And now, no one seemed to be taking notice of me. ‘Have I become invisible to them? Have I become a ghost?’

I wasn’t afraid of darkness anymore. Rather, we became friendly. I could see through darkness even at night. Darkness revealed many things that light didn’t.

‘What is happening to me?’

For the next several months, I didn’t see the sadhu. It didn’t matter to me. I didn’t bother to go to the congregation to check whether he visited there anymore. 

After several weeks of recurring mystical experiences, I noticed my fear and apprehensions disappearing and in its place, peace and tranquility filling me. I never felt wanting. Every moment of my life was ecstasy and fulfillment for me. A strange and inexplicable satisfaction and contentment prevailed. It never occurred to me that it was a kind of rebirth and that my destiny had been re-scripted. I had never anticipated a complete change in my life.

A couple of years passed by, like the wink of an eye or snap of fingers. During those years, I never recognized myself as someone existing. The school that employed me came to me to find out what was happening, but I wasn’t interested in teaching anymore.

I was also seen in Chithira Sabhai very often in deep meditation. People must have concluded that I was a saint too. As they usually did with other saints, they began surrounding me, attending on me, prostrating before me and anticipating a few good words from me when I opened my eyes. But when I opened my eyes, all that they got was a blank look from me and they appeared satisfied even with that. Rather, it appeared that the only thing they expected from me was a mere look at them. When they thought I made an eye contact with them, they would immediately tap their cheeks with their hands in devotion, as they usually did in temples before the deity whenever the arthi was shown for the idol.

Soon, I seemed to have gained popularity. Words spread about me. People sat in congregation in front of me, but I did not offer them anything other than a blank look. But the people were satisfied even with my look at them. Some whispered that I was a saint observing ‘mouna vrath’ (silent retreat) all the time.

My sojourn into the hill and the cave was getting less and less frequent, though occasionally, I went there without even knowing myself. Mostly, I had no track of time. I went into trance without any effort.

I was getting strange visions while I was in trance.

In one such vision, I saw people struggling in floods in some hilly slopes, gasping for breath and in another moment I was there saving several people from the flood.

In a second vision, I and another unidentified person were recovering some treasure hidden beneath the earth in a temple.

In a third vision, I was leading a movement for ending children begging and giving them literacy.

In my fourth vision, I saw young boys and girls playing in trapeze and bars.

In my fifth vision, I saw a village meeting where I sat as the chairman of the meeting and an acrimonious fight was taking place among those present.

In yet another vision, I saw myself doing business, employing thousands of people, and exporting goods.

And many more visions!

When I had these visions, it looked as though they were happening to me right then at that moment. I stayed with those visions for days together. ‘What did those visions tell me?’ I had no clue.

The visions usually went hazy, until finally I saw myself lying in a bed, unable to move my hands or legs. They went dead for hours. When I tried to speak, nothing came out. I had seen a few ladies lifting me on the bed to a sitting posture and assisting me in eating. Tears rolled down my eyes and they wiped it away. I was telling them something they didn’t fully comprehend.

Once, I started developing strange and mysterious bruises and cuts all over my body and I was bleeding. People around me were curious and worried. They asked whether it was hurting me. I didn’t know. I had no explanation.

Another time, some of my followers seemed to have traced me outside the cave and they found me totally unconscious in front of the cave in the most repugnant conditions. When they told me after I regained consciousness, I had no awareness of anything and gave them a blank look.

More and more people kept coming to me for reasons unknown to me. They were all innocent villagers and peasants. Many of them would narrate their personal woes and miseries and look to me for some blessings or solutions.

Some of the visitors filled me in great detail, the happenings during the last days of the British Raj in India, about the negotiations that took place between Gandhiji and the British rulers about giving freedom to India, about Noakhali riots in Oct 1946, about India becoming free in August, 1947, about Nehru becoming the first Prime Minister of the free India, the massacre in Punjab and much more about the last days of the freedom struggle. At other times, people told me about the riots and tension prevailing everywhere in the country because Gandhi ji was assassinated during one of his bhajan sessions. People in tears congregated before me in very large numbers.

Another person, who claimed himself to be a great devotee of Shri Ramana at Tiruvannamalai, returned crying from Ramana’s Ashram and told me how Shri Ramana seemed to have developed very serious cancer, how he had been undergoing surgeries - one after another - without any cure and that Ramana refused to have amputation done from his arm to shoulder to save his life.

I could offer nothing more than a silent look at them. I neither had pain nor suffering, neither sorrow nor joy; I was bereft of any emotion. But I felt complete fulfillment – no wanting, no longing.

*****

Episode 1/Chapter 6: What, If Our Dreams Come True!

Chapter 6

The break-thru came during the seventh month. I seemed to be having some visceral connection with the number seven in my life.

One day, when it was about to get dark, I followed the sadhu like a shadow into the hills. Now, I was also more familiar with his usual route and the following him was less arduous. After some distance into the hills, I saw something very strange.  There was a massive tall rock and the sadhu suddenly climbed the near- vertical rock with ease like a lizard, only to disappear from the top. I couldn’t clone his performance; the rock was vertical, slippery and there was hardly anything to hold on to. ‘But, how could he do it?’

I looked around for a solution. I found some thick roots of trees hanging loose from above in another corner of the rock. Holding those roots and hoping that it wouldn’t come off the ground, I slowly climbed step by step between smaller rocks. In some places I slipped, but I managed to hold on. My feet and hands ached. I scratched my skin all over and bruised myself. After some strenuous climbing, I managed to reach a plateau where I rested for a while before I continued my climb. The route was circuitous, but I reached the top of the steep rock. The sadhu was nowhere in sight.

I was crestfallen at not being able to catch the sadhu. I was equally horrified being left alone in the darkness of such a wild place. Darkness and silence frightened me. The humming sound coming from insects was the only noise I heard and even this noise was frightening. Some insects crawled over me. I jumped screaming and shook violently to shrug them off. In the small shimmering light from the sky, I saw a snake disappearing into a small hole. My heart pounded heavily and I started shivering and perspiring.

When I steadied myself after some time, I looked through the darkness to find out where the sadhu could have disappeared. He was nowhere.

It was cold on top of the rock. Some animal, could be a wolf, howled and it terrified me. I blamed myself for coming here. I sat on a small rock trying to recoup some energy. Sudden unsettling sounds from the different corners of the darkness froze my blood repeatedly. I trembled violently. My breathing became quite hard. My knees turned weak and starting caving in. Quite suddenly, I felt like throwing up.

Then, all of a sudden, I saw the sadhu, moving swiftly between a few bushes. There was a sudden rush of blood all over me and I felt excited. I jumped from my seat, quick on my feet and rushed behind him, only to bang my head against another rock in the darkness. I yelled in excruciating pain. Rubbing vigorously my forehead with one hand, I made quick strides to follow the sadhu.

‘It is either now or never.’ I decided. The sadhu was moving with lightning speed and again, I was no match for him. Then he disappeared again behind another rock.

When I reached that spot, I saw nothing – there was no place to disappear.

‘Is he a magician or a witch?’

I had heard stories of some mysterious people practicing witchcraft luring and trapping children from decent families only to be given away as ‘bali’ (sacrifice) at the altar of the fearful Kali (a feminine form of God). These human sacrifices were invariably done during midnight only, I had been told. Some mysterious ‘raappaadi’s (night singers) visited residential areas, only at midnight, singing queer verses in frightening voices. I recalled the story of one young boy from my village, who was lured behind a ‘raappaadi’ after being mesmerized, during odd hours at midnight. The boy was in shambles when he was rescued after several days. Some fearful tales had been told to me that a few kids never returned back to the village as they were given away as human sacrifice at the cremation grounds. The people who practiced witchcraft, I was told, prepared some black paste from the remains of the skulls of those sacrificed bodies to perform black magic and lure more kids. Some people used these black magicians and witchcraft to take revenge on others. To what extent these stories were true, I never knew.

The thought about black magic and witchcraft, once again chilled my spine. ‘Is the sadhu one such wicked magician?’

Then I reasoned to myself  that  if the sadhu ever wanted to exploit me for any of his wicked intentions, he had plenty of opportunities during the last six months, but he never harmed me in any way.

‘May be, he is preparing me for a grand sacrifice, yet to be made!’ I once again shuddered at the thought.

I stared at the rock as though I had the power to pierce through it. It pained my eyes.

But what a surprise! I was dumfounded to notice a small slit under the huge rock. What lay beyond I couldn’t guess. I dared not to find. I vacillated. My heart pumped faster, hands and feet trembled, stomach churned, and, deep inside, something told me to run away as fast as I could.

But I didn’t.

I approached the slit and narrowing my eyes, stealthily peeped through the slit focusing on what was on the other side. After some painful moments I could notice a small descent behind the slit. Kneeling down, I squeezed myself in through the narrow slit, moved down crawling, twisting my body at a few places and soon I found myself on a flight of stairs going down. It looked like a cave and now I had sufficient space to sit inside. With great alacrity, I slowly descended, taking every step with trepidation. After a few steps, I was on a small level ground from where I could see some small light in one corner. It looked like an entrance to another cave.

I slowly crawled towards the second cave. The entrance was narrow. Carefully, I stepped inside. What I saw therein was hair-raising and spine chilling and I stood there in great bewilderment! How would I describe it!

There, in front of a small lamp, I saw the sadhu sitting on a stone, like Lord Siva sitting in tapas posture, in very deep meditation. I thought I saw Lord Siva himself – Lord Siva with a high rising jada mudi (matted hair), his legs in Padmasan, the right hand in ‘abhaya mudra’ (indicating his readiness to protect those who take refuge in Him) and the left hand holding the thrishul. I felt a powerful radiation around the sadhu. A circle of glowing light above his head illuminated the roof of the cave. I felt a million lightning all at once landing on me. I trembled violently and fell to the ground. I didn’t know what happened after that.

*****

Episode 1/Chapter 5: What, If Our Dreams Come True! An Uncommon Meeting with Lord Siva

Chapter 5

Every now and then, the thoughts about the sadhu distracted me. Sometimes I felt haunted, other times troubled and often curious. One morning, I decided to take the plunge. ‘Why not I dare the sadhu and question him?’

I trekked to Chithira Sabhai. Not finding him there, I decided to while away my time and wait for him. The entire afternoon passed and he was not in sight. I waited till the evening and darkness was setting in. Depressed, I decided to get back.

I was hungry as I had not eaten anything during the day. Nothing was available to eat. I was now used to very flexible eating habits and was quite accustomed to starving. Many people observed fasting on a number of days for religious reasons and on those days, even I had to observe fasting out of compulsion. So, eating or not eating anything on a particular day didn’t make any significant difference to me. I decided to ignore my hunger and take a small walk on the narrow road leading to the Five Falls. There was a small diversion on the left leading to Chitraruvi (The Small Falls) located at an elevation and then further to Shenbagadevi Falls and Thenaruvi (Honey Falls). People walked to these waterfalls in groups, especially on Full Moon days to worship Goddess Shenbagadevi. The hill side was known for the fragrance of its shenbaga flowers and hence the name for the waterfalls. I ignored the diversion and walked ahead towards Five Falls. The hillock on my left was covered by dense forest and on my right, the land was sloping down, covered by coconut groves and standing paddy crops. Not many braved to live near the hillside unless they could be friendly with wild animals.

On my way, in the dark corners of the hills, I saw someone in saffron clothing moving behind a cluster of dense trees, at the far end. Out of curiosity, I sidestepped the road, wanting to go after him and doubled up my strides. I was sure it must be the same sadhu.

The sadhu moved swiftly into the hills and the nearby woods. He was at one place one time, disappeared mysteriously, only to reappear in another dark corner. ‘How is he able to do that?’ I wondered. I was no match for him for his speed, but I kept following him. It was darker now and I had considerable difficulty in keeping pace with him. The slopes, the bushes, the small rocks and stones were tough on me. I slipped in many places bruising myself in the process. The sadhu went deeper and deeper into the woods and I lost track of him. After some time, I got exhausted and gave up.

I was in the center of the woods and darkness. I was nervous and scared as I struggled to find my way back.

*****

I made enquiries about the sadhu in the neighborhood, but none seemed to know much about him personally. Many believed that he had extraordinary mystical powers and had performed miracles in the lives of many people – some were cured of diseases, some got rid of financial problems, some had children, some got married and so on. The same story about him again.

‘He ought to be a Siddha,’ someone told me. I had already learnt that Siddhas were there everywhere in the entire range of Podhigai hills and that they were mystics, seemingly living for ever, – may be hundreds of years -  possessing extraordinary powers, and presenting themselves at different places at the same time. Many were revered a lot and many were feared. People advised me to be cautious and be wary of the dangerous Sadhus.

My curiosity heightened and I was now determined to confront him.  ‘Why was he avoiding me, when he was the one wanting me to meet him at Chithira Sabhai?” I needed to get some answers.

Somehow, my next several attempts to meet with him at Chithira Sabhai failed, as though he planned it that way.

‘Is he punishing me for not waiting for him to open his eyes when I first sighted him inside Chithra Sabhai?’

On some occasions I thought I spotted him and with the resolution I followed him into the woods. But he always seemed to have a knack of disappearing mysteriously from my sight into darkness. Besides, I was also scared of the woods, hills, and darkness and I couldn’t stretch myself beyond a point.

Six months passed by and the sadhu was still elusive to me, as he continued to play ‘hide and seek’ with me.

My life became more a routine now. A school offered me a part time job to teach small children and I gladly accepted the assignment. It improved my cash flow.

*****